Ad Absurdum

2012-02-09T11:21:00.001Z

Dear M25

I love you, but please sort your life out.

Life is short enough without my having to sit for hours on end in my car, staring at the number plate of the car in front and imagining I am on Countdown (it's a really lame version of the game, and I can never get words longer than three letters) I mean, come on- I’ve seen cars move quicker on a production line.

Also, what is up with all the cameras? I almost feel like a celebrity on a red carpet; except of course the road isn't red, and, (no offense) not nearly as smooth as a carpet.

I know it's not all bad. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. For instance, it's great that you're getting wider. It appears to be a slow and painful process, but the last thing we need is for you to start downsizing like everything (and everyone) else these days. Also, you have a sense of humor. for e.g., every time I see this message on one of your screens: JUNCTION 15, 16 MILES, 18 MIN, it makes me laugh so hard that sometimes I spill my coffee all over myself because it almost always takes me about 500 MIN to get anywhere near JUNCTION 15. Also, that bit where you have a 50 mph average speed limit on the one section of the road where people can actually move faster than 30 mph? That’s hilarious, really.

And then there are those times, every once in a while, when you- with sparkling streetlamps hanging around you like a necklace- seem to almost glow in the pale light of the setting sun. Those are the times when everything seems right with the world, the road seems to rise up to meet my little car, and, for a few glorious moments, it feels like just you and me.

I think we'll be ok, the two of us. I'm not really looking for a long-term relationship at this point, but we could definitely get along and maybe see where the road leads? I'm just worried that if we don't work out our little issues, we could end up going round in circles. Or one big circle.

See you tomorrow.

2012-02-05T19:09:00.002Z

If you're reading this, that means you're alive.

Whatever your circumstances, whatever else is going through your head right now, that is the single most important fact of your present situation.

These precious moments- make them count.

2012-01-23T12:33:00.003Z

Despite death being the only certainty in life, why do we still insist on living like we're going to be around for ever?

2012-01-23T12:31:00.001Z

Another gem from Seth Godin:

Once the water is deep enough that you must swim to stay afloat, does it really matter how deep the pool is?

Dear NY Times

2012-01-23T12:30:00.002Z

Thank you for your letter stating that you are rejecting the poem I sent for inclusion in the Arts section of your esteemed publication.

I regret to inform you, however, that after careful consideration, I have decided that I will not be taking your rejection personally and my enthusiasm for writing is in no way diminished by this latest development.

Your letter has been retained for my records and will, in compliance with my own personal policy on this sort of thing, be destroyed in 6-8 weeks, or when I next clear my desk, whichever occurs earlier.

Once again, I wish to thank you for taking the time to write to me and I wish you good luck for all future rejection of my work.

With best wishes.

My Medium-sized Resolution

2012-01-03T16:50:00.002Z

So on day 2 of the New Year i learned that i am no longer a Medium shirt size. I am now, at least according to the label on the Hollister shirt, a Large Dude. (steady, ladies) Things were further complicated by the fact that i was a Small at NEXT. (I’m going to have to treat that as an aberration)

So, having initially decided that i was not making any resolutions, i have now resolved to strive to become a Medium Dude. And just to show that i mean business, i actually bought the Medium shirt which, at some point this year, will fit like a glove. Don't hold your breath, though. I'll be the one doing that. (chances are, that's the only way it will fit)

Tip for the month: If you’re trying to squeeze into a shirt, buttons are not your friends.

Tip for the year: The quest to be Medium is not to be confused with the quest to be Average. That’s a mistake I’ve often made.

Happy New Year.

2011-12-23T11:54:00.003Z

It's important to look forward, but also to look back to see how far you've come. The only problem is that you can't do both at the same time.

So, as 2012 rolls around, which one is it going to be?

A quote for the end of one year, and the start of another

2011-12-23T11:52:00.001Z

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

- Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding (last lines from Shawshank Redemption)

Two songs...

2011-12-13T23:03:00.003Z

...which I'd forgotten how much i loved about ten years ago. and love just as much now.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

-------------
The space between
The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more
The space between
The wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?

The Three Stages of Life

2011-12-13T22:46:00.001Z

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.

For my sister on her 21st birthday

2011-12-13T22:35:00.001Z

Seems like just yesterday
you were reaching
for my ear lobe
or the wrinkled skin
around my elbow, (whichever was closer)
while sucking
your two middle fingers
and leaving tooth marks
that eventually developed
into what, I remember thinking
at the time, would be permanent scars.

Of course, they weren't really permanent,
were they? Because they've gone,
along with every other visible sign of your childhood.

You went:

from kicking at the air
in front of strangers
with tiny chubby feet
by way of greeting,
to donning
skinny jeans that
seem perpetually in danger
of being not quite long (or skinny) enough.

from dimpled chin
to pimpled skin in a heartbeat,
And yet, now your face
shines with a resplendent grace;
your kohl-lined eyes being just
about the only features I recognise
from old photographs.

It’s one of those things I can't explain,
You seem so different and yet the same.

I guess you just Grew Up without telling me.

2011-12-13T22:29:00.002Z

One of these days
you should come round.
Try and make it for a Sunday,
We can go to the fairground.

We can hold hands,
buy some popcorn to share.
I'll knock down some tin cans
and try and win you a bear.

When we get really cold,
we'll drink some mulled wine.
And when we're really old
we can think back to the time
when all we needed
was a Sunday at a fairground
to make us happy.

Anatomy of an Affair

2011-12-13T22:27:00.001Z

It is in your hair
that I will begin
my dance of despair,
and then, down
the nape
of your neck
I will escape,
feeling
your vertebrae
with my fingers,
counting
them off like beads,
while praying for release.
Eventually,
finding it
somewhere between
a knowing smile,
and glistening eyes-
and there, on my knees,
I will submit.

Pointless, trying to feel
invincible
when face-to-face with
you, my Achilles' heel.

2011-12-13T21:53:00.004Z

I don't know about you, but at some point over the course of my professional career, I would like to sit in on a meeting where one of the following phrases is not used:

pedal to the metal/ rubber meets the road
gaining traction
gathering momentum
the upshot is...(my personal favourite)
back to the drawing board
going forward
at the end of the day

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but i'm exhausted just typing these. The wait for a meeting without one of them continues. I'm not holding my breath.

Because, at the end of the day...

2011-12-08T23:14:00.004Z

Wood, steel and skin
he said,
were the three things
that made
the sound seemingly
take on a life
of its own, and meaning
like so many words
unsaid;
that, and the strings
that he picked apart
like thread, each
one vibrating with a sense
of its own unique purpose.

Wood, steel and skin
and a boy, alone,
making a sound
come alive
as though it were
made of
blood, flesh and bone.

And I,
watching it take flight
until it disappears from sight.

Soumik Dutta played the Sarod at Clare Hall, Cambridge. Summer 2010.

No offense, 2011,...

2011-12-08T23:10:00.002Z

...but i think I'm about ready for 2012 now.

Mirage

2011-12-08T23:04:00.002Z

Somewhere between the prison
and the sea,
she waits, my love.
Faced with choices she shouldn't
need to have to make,
my love.

In the distance,
a roving beam of light
casts shadows across the bay,
turning sand dunes into
the humps of a hundred
camels.

The lights of the old factories
blink,
on and then off,
in silent morse code;
while wisps of smoke rise
triumphantly from giant
cigarettes and disappear
into the moon.

All around her, life goes on;
but tonight
she stands alone under the stars
and waits,
faced with choices she shouldn't
need to have to make,
my love.

2011-12-05T23:41:00.003Z

Yesterday my life flashed before my eyes.
But i was busy so I recorded it to watch later.

Besides, there's always eye player.

Aisle 13

2011-12-05T23:36:00.000Z

She was rummaging through the 'Reduced to Clear' section.
He was shaking squash bottles and placing them back on the shelves
(because he didn't like the look of sediment at the bottom.)

They ended up talking about how they put the blue in blue cheese,
and the general over-use of the word please.

At the checkout, he bagged her shopping and bragged about his taste in wine.
Her 14 items totaled £ 8.79.

"Every little helps", she said, and shook her head from side to side.
He smiled and they left together for the Park and Ride.

On the way, she opened a tub of yoghurt and licked the lid.
not quite happy ever after though; they split before the milk did.

2011-12-05T23:32:00.003Z

I'd odd, you're even.
Together, we're slightly uneven.
In hindsight, it was never quite right; I suppose we were never going to fit.
I'm a ball, but you're no socket.
You're a small hand, and I'm a deep pocket.

Still, who knows?
You can dance, I can shuffle,
Who's to say we can't shimmy our way out of circumstance?
I'll give it a go if you give it a chance.
Go on, one more go, if you give it a chance.

Solitary Oyster...

2011-06-27T23:14:00.001+01:00

...is off to go and be solitary. Will be back soon. Maybe.

The Question I Wish I Asked Ms Roy

2011-06-21T00:33:00.011+01:00

Two weeks ago when Arundhati Roy floated into a room in London to enthusiastic applause, I sat and gaped like a star-struck schoolboy. There she was, the woman who wrote the book that I've loved more than almost every other book I've read. The woman who achieved Big Things with the God of Small Things. There she was, a vision in lime green, glowing with the sort of grace and charisma that turns nearly-thirty-year-old men into, well, star-struck schoolboys.

Over the next hour, words seemed to come dancing out of her mouth in sentences so delicious you could almost eat them. Sentences that weren't anywhere near as clumsy (and creepy) as that last one. But anyway... my point is, if I hadn't felt like I suddenly needed to learn the English language again (starting with the alphabet), and if I had gathered enough courage to ask for the microphone, and if I had managed to close my mouth and re-open it long enough to actually speak in a coherent manner, and if I could have decided in my head exactly how I was going to address her; if all these things actually happened (and is it any surprise that they didn't?) then this is what I would have asked:

Dear Arundhati/Ms Roy/Mrs Roy/Ma'am,

If you don't mind, I'd like to read a line from a book you might recognise (and at that point I would have held up my copy of The God of Small Things which I had taken along specially for the occasion).

'Ammu,’ Chacko said, his voice steady and deliberately casual, ‘is it at all possible for you to prevent your washed-up cynicism from completely colouring everything?'

I'm not suggesting, of course, that anything you said here today contained any cynicism, whether washed-up or of any other variety. I am worried, though, that cynicism may turn out to be the only natural response to the events taking place in that incredible country we call home. To the point where it becomes a sort of defense mechanism. I worry that our fierce love for India will somehow morph into an equally fierce disenchantment. And that we will, like Ammu, fail to see all that is still truly magical about it. I worry that we will reach a stage where we believe our Humpty Dumpty Broken Republic will never be put together again. That what we've lost will never be recovered.
That we will never again know Love, Hope, Infinite Joy.

Because is it even possible for a country to unsell its soul?

PS- I love you.

2011-05-17T13:09:00.003+01:00

People never die, they're just playing hide-and-seek with the rest of us. And they've found the best hiding place ever. They give us little clues along the way, reminders that they haven't really gone anywhere and that we shouldn't stop looking. So they seem to jump out at us every once in a while- when that one song plays, when you hear their voice on an old voicemail message, catch a glimpse of their picture, or read a letter they wrote before the hide-and-seek began.

"I'm here", they seem to say, "you're getting warmer". And then one day we will finally find them and they'll come out of their hiding place and ask us how we never saw them even though they could see us the whole time. And we'll have to admit that some things you just can't explain. Like how you can feel someone's presence without actually seeing them. And how even after so much time has passed, they look exactly the same. And then it's our turn to hide.

One day I will find you, my friend. Until then, rest in peace.

2011-05-01T00:47:00.001+01:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Timo Cruz in Coach Carter (2005)

2011-04-22T11:50:00.002+01:00

Songs often have the magical capacity to permanently store memories that you thought were lost forever, only to release them when you're least expecting it. They're not always good songs, and not always good memories.

But everyone once in a while, you get both. Like I did today.

Tick tock, tick tock...

2011-04-22T11:39:00.005+01:00

This year's already been significant for several reasons, despite the fact that we're only about four months in. My dad's turned 60, my sister's just turned 21. This blog is five and in a few months i will be, erm..., 25. India's won the World Cup. And I’m packing my things into boxes, in preparation for another move.

Meanwhile, the clock keeps ticking. It's only at times like this, when you momentarily stop to catch your breath, that you hear it. The passage of time is a grim inevitability and no amount of cheerful cuckoo clocks can alter the fact. I've often wondered why people say they're killing time, when in truth it's always the opposite. Time's the one killing you. You try everything you can to outrun it, but in the end it catches up. Sometimes it's a like a pick-pocket, stealing second after valuable second while you're busy looking the other way; at other times it jumps out at you from out of nowhere, turns your hair grey and leaves you for dead.

On the plus side, it's almost summer; the season that somehow makes things seem alright, the one season that somehow manages to suggest that dreams, however implausible they might seem, may just come true.

Everything (and everyone) looks better in the sun.

Video of the week #1

2011-04-15T00:58:00.003+01:00

From a purely comedic standpoint, it has to be said that this would have been a LOT less funny if the kid had a t-shirt on.

A Final Note on the Cricket World Cup

2011-04-05T01:02:00.003+01:00

This is for all those who thought the Australians were too clinical, the Pakistanis were too gifted, the Sri Lankans were too familiar with the conditions and the big occasion.

For those who thought the Indians did not have the stomach for a fight, that we would take the role of host nation to its natural conclusion and let one of our guests walk away with the trophy. Because that's the Indian way.

This is for all my jaded, battle-weary friends who thought bleeding blue and feeling blue amounted to the same thing.

This is for the cynics, the non-believers, the ones who assumed disappointment lurked just around the corner but now find it was actually glory all along. For those who are still somehow surprised that a group of talented, motivated, well-prepared individuals actually achieved something on a global stage. Yes, they won. And yes, it means you can, and should, win too. Deal with it.

This is for all those who would struggle to name half the Indian squad but now have Sachin's smiling face on all their Facebook profiles. This victory is yours too, of course it is, but remember to wave the flag even when the chips are down. Especially when the chips are down.

This is for Suresh Raina, who, when asked whether Ashwin's absence would hurt India's chances against Pakistan, answered in just three words - "I am there". For Dhoni, who said "Banish Pain" in a slick Nike ad campaign but then went out and banished it for real. For Yuvraj Singh, who, for once, echoed the thoughts of Indians everywhere when he said "Tonight is going to be a good night", after the win. For Sachin; special, special Sachin, whose smile alone was enough to light up the Mumbai sky. Who still, after 22 years, plays every game like it's his first. For Virat, Munaf, Zak, Bhajj, Viru, Ashwin, Nehra, Gautam, Yusuf, Chawla, even Sree. You did it.

But most of all, this is for India; that magical, maddening, jigsaw-puzzle of a country, that today celebrates as one.

Jai Hind.

My problem with Facebook...

2011-03-24T00:13:00.003Z

...is two-fold.

Firstly, everyone is on there. Which probably doesn't sound like a problem at all. Surely it’s great to have everyone I've made even passing acquaintances with in the past two or so years, all one place, nicely stacked up alphabetically, with pretty pictures to remind me of what they look like? Well, yes. But then again, no. Because all that's happening now is that everyone goes into a pile- and the more people get added to the top, the more the rest at the bottom get lost under the near-constant stream of status updates, photo-uploads and daily horoscopes. On more than one occasion, I've logged in specifically to send a message to someone in particular, and then logged out 30 minutes later without having gone anywhere near either his wall or ceiling. This probably says more about my own attention spans than Facebook itself, but I have a niggling feeling that there is more information on a daily Newsfeed than an average human of normal intelligence can hope to fully process in one lifetime.

“But that's what filters are for”, I can hear you yelling, while angrily waving your optical mouse. To which all I can say is- “Calm down, let go of the mouse, and no-one is going to get hurt.” With the rodent- related crisis successfully averted, I will add that surely there comes a point in any social medium when even all the filters you can think of will not make one iota of difference. Allow me to present Exhibit 1: Log into You Tube. Type in ‘laughing baby’ in the search field. Change the Upload Date filter to - This Month. See you in ten years.

My second problem is that it's making me lazy. When you're pretty lazy to begin with, this is a big problem. So where earlier I would take an active interest in my friend's lives, now I just passively keep up with them by flicking through pictures of their new car or kitten. This is fine by itself, but- and I am sure there is an economic theory about this- the more information I am bombarded with, the more likely it is I will miss something. Again, I have the niggling feeling there are more important things going on with my friends than their preferred shade of nail polish. Maybe there isn't, and maybe it's just me, but the niggling feeling persists.

This is made even worse by one simple fact- nothing of real value ever falls into your lap. Or an inbox. The most treasured friendships are always (or at least very often) the ones you have to work at maintaining, ones you consciously make time for. The best stories or articles are usually the ones I seek out and discover myself, instead of linking to them from a forward or RSS feed. The most interesting events take place in the real world, in real life, not in Farmville. Surely we're missing out?

“But..!”, I can see you thinking again, “Surely it's way more efficient to do it this way, because if I was to send a personal message to one friend per day, it would take me six months to get through my list. And that's without even replying to the replies.” To which I would be tempted to say- “Ha! You only have 150 friends?! What are you, a loner?”- but I wouldn't say it, because I don't have that many more than you, and I would like to add you to my list. And then we can keep in regular touch, mainly by exchanging pokes.

And so for one closing thought: If I think it's bad for these two main reasons and possibly loads more, what is Facebook good for? Well, for one thing, I could now take this well-constructed piece of socio-cultural analysis and stick it on my profile, where it will instantly be in the virtual faces of about 500 people. Which is approximately 500 more than the number of people who will see it here. Question is, do I really want to add one more item to that wonderful Newsfeed and deprive all those people the immense pleasure they will undoubtedly feel if and when they find this on their own?

Decisions, decisions.

The Sound of Silence

2011-03-17T00:57:00.003Z

"a roaring river of rubble; an entire town lies in ruins..."
"a cascade of cars, bobbing like rubber ducks in an endless bathtub..."

These were just a couple of the statements used by solemn-voiced television reporters last Friday as the world's eyes turned to Japan. I am all for a turn of phrase, but when juxtaposed against images of a terrible tragedy, the words just seemed absurd and contrived. It was clear what was happening, we get it, was there really a need to put on this kind of literary-style commentary as well, just in case we missed something?

As my uncle and I flicked through the channels, the lines between reality and fantasy appeared to blur. The visuals had taken on the look of a mid-budget Hollywood production. Ground shots, aerial shots, shots from the inside of a building, from under a desk. And the commentary seemed to get more and more ridiculous. "You've seen this view" they seemed to say, "but have you seen this one? How about this one?", and on it went.

Finally, we stopped at one particular channel. And we looked at each other in amazement. There was no commentary. In fact, there was no sound at all. All they had was footage, with a ticker at the bottom of the screen summarising the unfolding events. What else was there to say?

I remember a friend once telling me about an orthodox Jewish tradition where the only response to tragedy or intense grief is - silence. Similarly, the Bible tells the story of Job's friends coming to visit him in the midst of his suffering. When they realised the full extent of their friend's plight, they were so saddened that they sat with him for three days- and said absolutely nothing. They knew that there are some voids that words- however well-intentioned- can never hope to fill.

In the 24/7 world of 'info-tainment', however, there is simply no time for silence. One person's world unexpectedly shattering is another's breaking news.

Last week I learnt...

2011-03-04T23:28:00.004Z

That saying hello to a bird (a real bird, with feathers and wings and things) and having it say hello back is ridiculously satisfying. Especially when you didn't know it was the sort of bird that did that.

Me to friend: I've always had a way with birds. They get me.
Friend to me: That's cos you're on the same wavelength, birdbrain.

Yup, walked into that one.

And the Aaascar goes to...

2011-03-04T22:24:00.019Z

Meanwhile, away from the cricket field, it was a close contest between Aishwarya Rai and Mallika Sherawat this week for the Outstanding American Accent Award.

In the end, though, it was Mallika all the way.
It's Baallywood, baby...!

http://movies.ndtv.com/playvideo.aspx?id=192183&type=oscars

(Please click the link; I insist.)

The strange case of Shanthakumaran Sreesanth

2011-02-26T23:31:00.003Z

As much as I don't want to seem like I’m defending him, it appears these days the guy just can't catch a break. You know things are messed up when your own teammates - including your captain - start slagging you off to the press. His reputation, while entirely of his own making, now well and truly precedes him.

While there is no doubt that he needs to tone the aggro down *several* notches, by trying to beat him into submission the team management risk throwing him off his entire game. Trouble is, that way, nobody wins. He will go the same way as Irfan Pathan (albeit for slightly different reasons) and Team India will end up losing their best swing bowling hope since, well, Irfan Pathan.

And let's be honest, how many fast bowlers have there been that aren't at least slightly nuts? Akhtar? Check. McGrath? (more cold-blooded assassin than all-out nutcase, but still- check.) Donald? Check. Almost every insanely quick West Indian? Check.

When he's not making psychiatrists reach for their notebooks, Sreesanth is (according to Wikipedia) a student of psychology himself. Maybe that will help sort himself out.

Didn't work for me, but you never know.

This time

2011-02-24T23:23:00.001Z

This time, we hope the exploits of 1983 will finally be equaled.
This time, we hope the shame of 1996 may be cast aside.
This time, we hope the disappointment of 2003 will be forgotten.
This time, we hope the ghosts of 2007 will be exorcised.

This time, we hope the image of Sachin Tendulkar holding the World cup aloft under a floodlit Mumbai sky will be the defining image of our times; and that our kids will grow up with it rubber-stamped on their minds, like Kapil's image on ours.

This time. We hope. Again.

The Good Stuff

2011-02-09T21:24:00.008Z

My favourite family trip is one we didn't actually go on.
And I mean that literally, not as a mildly philosophical reflection. The year was 2004. We arrived at the train station to travel to a wedding the next day, with a few days of holiday added on. For a change, we were an hour early. For those who know us well, that would have come as a particularly surprising bit of detail. Yes, you read that right: we were an hour early. So we found a bench, watched mice run along the tracks, and chatted till our train arrived. It was 10 pm.

When the train pulled in, it was mostly dark, and the only people stirring were the ones about to get off. Everyone else was comfortably asleep, even the passengers in our berths. We checked the numbers again and, yes, they were definitely our berths (who were these people? not just sitting in our seats, sleeping in them!) So as my dad and I proceeded to gently prod them to life while also moaning about the state of the Indian Railways (which, we both agreed, suffered from the same problem as the rest of the country- i.e. a worrying lack of berth control), somebody checked the passenger list stuck beside the door. Our names weren't on there. Surely there was some mistake? Maybe this was the wrong carriage? Checked again, not on there. And so off we got, before waking up any more passengers - sleeping peacefully in their rightful seats- for no reason whatsoever.

And there we stood, huddled around a sheet of dot matrix printed paper stuck to a train that was about to pull away into the night, wondering how not even one of our five names were on there. Surely this new computerised system wasn’t that bad? We looked at the tickets again. And this time checked the date. And then the date on the screen above. Our tickets were for the previous day. We hadn't been one hour early. We were 23 hours late.

Still, looking back at it now, there was something about those sixty minutes spent at the train station and the approximately sixty seconds spent on the train. Sure, we were going to miss the wedding. And of course, we couldn't really tell people exactly why we were going to miss it (at least, not for another seven years, after which I was going to put it up on this blog, and even then it's not like anyone’s going to actually read it on here).

But the fact remained that we had just found ourselves in a ridiculous situation. Together. And despite the fact that family life is, for the most part, a series of ridiculous situations, this was a shared experience that we were unlikely to forget. Which is just as well, because the five of us have never been together on a railway platform since.

Point is, sometimes the stuff you think is getting in the way of good stuff is the good stuff. I suspect that even my mum, who had inadvertently booked our tickets for the previous day, will smile every time she thinks of this. And so will the rest of us.

Wedding or no wedding, that's the kind of thing you just can't put a price on.

Your moment is waiting, honest

2011-02-05T22:09:00.006Z

This is the latest film by Kerala Tourism to promote God's Own Country which i came across at some point last year and I stumbled upon again a few days ago. I'm still not sure what i think about it though. It's clearly an ambitious attempt to depart from the cliched coconuts-ayurveda-backwaters formula, but I suspect God himself might struggle to recognise his country as depicted in this super-slick art-house production.

And if He is (for argument's sake) scratching his head over this one, what will the average western traveller, at whom this campaign is presumably aimed, make of some of the images? Or is there an exclusive group of theatre-going, gin and tonic-drinking travellers out there who will 'get' this kind of thing? I don't know. Have a look for yourself.

As for me, I can't get past the whiff of dull sophistication. Maybe i just miss the coconuts.

Time to start writing... (again)

2011-02-05T13:57:00.003Z

This week's motivation to get off of my hindside and do something came from a blog post from Seth Godin. If you haven't heard of him, you should check him out at http://sethgodin.typepad.com/

--------------------------------
In and out

That's one of the most important decisions you'll make today.

How much time and effort should be spent on intake, on inbound messages, on absorbing data... and how much time and effort should be invested in output, in creating something new.

There used to be a significant limit on available intake. Once you read all the books in the college library on your topic, it was time to start writing.

Now that the availability of opinions, expertise and email is infinite, I think the last part of that sentence is the most important:

Time to start writing.

Or whatever it is you're not doing, merely planning on doing.
--------------------------------

There's a lot of things I'm merely planning on doing, but i think at this point writing is pretty high up on the list. So, thanks, Mr. Godin.

I'd better get on with it now.

Dear Sun

2011-01-18T21:31:00.001Z

This morning I watched your desperate fight to emerge from between the clouds. It appears your months of being stifled and smothered into submission are almost at an end.

I applaud your efforts to rise up against those caped and hooded villains of winter. We missed you and hope that you continue to wage the battle that we all, in some way or another, wage every day.

Take comfort from the fact that history and poetry, to name but two things, are on your side. Just like evil is eventually vanquished by good, darkness is always overcome by light. Your victory is in sight.

So rise and shine already.

News Flash

2011-01-08T13:44:00.002Z

Due to a fortuitous and heady combination of intent and new internet, this blog is coming out of retirement for one last shot at greatness.

Please bear with me while I take calls from my agents, publicists and an expectant public. Normal serice will resume soon after.

In the meantime, bookmark, sign-up, subscribe. At the very least, let out a little whoop. All together now...

Happy New Year.

Postscript

2009-12-19T12:24:00.002Z

That last bit about Bob Dylan's rendition of Little Drummer Boy (which I'm assuming you enjoyed) was post number 100.

A hundred posts in about three-and-a-half years is, by all accounts, a pretty dismal output. Nevertheless, it's still a milestone and any milestone is worth celebrating. Maybe I'll wear my santa hat and have a mince pie.

It is also a good time, perhaps, to call it a day. Thanks for pushing and prodding this little blog along. For commenting, sharing, or just coming along for the ride. But above all, thanks for reading. For validating its existence. Tomorrow's stories await another voice.

Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year.

One more Dylan post...

2009-12-14T22:10:00.006Z

...last one for this year, I promise.

'Little Drummer Boy' is probably my all-time favourite Christmas song (despite the occasional mildly traumatic school nativity play flashback) and Bob Dylan sings it like it's never been sung before. Does anyone else think he's perfect for this song? Yeah, yeah, I know it's 'little' drummer boy, but there's no need to get all literal about it...

Just when I thought I'd heard it far too many times, Dylan's rasping voice makes this timeless classic seem 'cool' again. That, and one of the most quirky, off-beat videos you're likely to have seen all year. But don't just take my supremely biased word for it, check it out. pa rum pum pum pum.

Madness

2009-12-08T20:00:00.001Z

Oddly enough, my watch stopped working yesterday.

Going Underground

2009-11-28T00:08:00.007Z

The travelling circus is coming to town,
Plenty of freaks and I'm the clown,
Mind the gap please, mind the gap-
I'm going Underground.

*Alight here for New Zealand and the Royal Albert Hall*

*Ladies and gents, this train will not be stopping at the next station. This is due to planned engineering works that I was not aware of.*

(Girl on phone): Did you see his face when I glassed him?
(Assumed response): No, what was it like?
(Girl on phone): I dunno, I wasn't looking, was I?

*There is a good service on all lines on the London Underground today except where there is a bad service.*

(Same girl on phone): Wat u wearing 2nite luv?..I'm worried mine's ova-da-top... yeh, it's a dress, like, what u call da type of thing dat goes round your neck?
"A noose?" I offer, hopefully.

My mind wanders.
The girl in the next seat catches me reading her texts in the reflection in the window.
She shoots me a look.
Oh, for a book.

The travelling circus is coming to town,
Plenty of freaks and I'm the clown,
Mind the gap please, mind the gap-
I'm going Underground.

Christmas is coming...

2009-11-04T23:32:00.004Z

...and for the first time ever, Bob Dylan is ringing it in. That's right, the greatest songwriter of our times is singing Little Drummer Boy on his latest album. 'Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum, on my drum (and guitar. and harmonica)'

I haven't heard Christmas in the Heart yet; I'm having too much fun just reading some of the reviews. Here's an excerpt from one of them:

"Whereas most vocalists might prepare to record by getting plenty of rest and sipping warm tea with honey and lemon, Dylan sounds as if he just closed down the bars in Bethlehem with the Three Wise Men and then smoked some frankincense and myrrh as a nightcap." Heh.

My favourite piece though, is this part-review, part-worship-at-the alter. Always somewhat comforting to come across a kindred spirit.

And of course I'm going to buy it. It's Dylan. I would probably pay just to hear him breathe heavily on an album. Besides, he's not making a dime from this one, all proceeds go to charity. So there you go. Greatness for a good cause.
pa rum pum pum pum.

Mistaken Identity

2009-11-04T23:11:00.006Z

A friend of mine mailed me earlier today asking if the person giving the talk below was me. Given that he hasn't seen me in a while, I can only guess it was the name or the sparkling wit that caused the misunderstanding. Either way, I can confirm it isn't me.

Despite that, I would still recommend watching the video. It's pretty interesting stuff. But then again, most of the stuff on TED.com is.

On Writing

2009-11-02T19:49:00.007Z

India Uncut, one of the blogs I follow, recently had a short but interesting post titled 'Education'. A Quinton Tarantino quote was used to make a larger point about whether or not writing, like films, can be taught in a classroom. The original post can be read here, and the response I sent to Amit Varma, the author of India Uncut, is below. If any of you have thoughts on the topic, do write in.

When people ask me if I went to film school I tell them, ‘no, I went to films.’
-- Quentin Tarantino

As someone who put down a small fortune on a (relatively) expensive writing degree here in the UK, I have come up against this line of argument on more than one occasion- before, during and after the course. My answer has always been the same: Writing, like any other art form, is both an art as well as a craft. The art is a largely metaphysical thing and can never be captured in a textbook (some say you are born with it, but I'm not convinced you are born with anything. That's another debate, though). The craft, on the other hand, can and should be learnt. The classroom is not a bad place to start.

While Mr Tarantino's quote makes good copy, I would begin by questioning the truth of it. The most obvious reason is because films, more than most other art forms, have a technical element that cannot be learnt from merely watching them. This might be reading too much into his quote, but I am certain that at some point he was just an unknown clever guy who wanted to make films but didn't have the foggiest idea how. He would then have hung around people who knew what they were doing and sucked up everything like a sponge. This process would most likely have involved sleeping on a few couches, recreational drugs, and some beautiful free-spirited ladies. Mr too-cool-for-school Tarantino might never call this an 'education', but for those of us who lead far less exciting lives, that's exactly what it is.

It's a similar argument that one sometimes comes across in sports as well. Mr Tarantino's quote, when used in a sporting context, would be akin to a gifted cricketer saying all he needed to do to become a world-class batsman was watch Sachin Tendulkar bat. This is meaningless because all he would be watching is the end-product of years of hard graft, the distillation of months of toil to perfect a certain shot or correct a flaw in technique. He is watching the final edited version, with no awareness of what has gone on behind the scenes.

Yes, writing is, at its core, a solitary activity. But there is a collaborative element, however subliminal, to all good writing. This is what I leant from the few months spent in workshops with other writers discussing each other’s work, all of us believing all the while that our individual pieces were nudging perfection but realising in the end that we merely did different things well.

You would no doubt have felt this too, over the course of your promotional tour for your first book. Those who came to the various venues to listen to you read and discuss your writing will inevitably try to incorporate certain things they liked into their own work, and some of their questions, reactions and comments would have set off sparks, however tiny, in your mind as well.

It is this constant process of moulding and shaping, modulating your own inner voice in relation to others, that creative writing classes seek to capture. Has all this made me a better writer? I'm not sure. What it has given me is a better understanding of what I do, and the ways and means of doing it better.

Still, I am by no means suggesting this is the only way to go about turning into a 'writer', whatever that creature is. At the end of the day, as they say, there are no answers. Only choices.

All the best.

The inevitable Dylan post

2009-11-01T23:07:00.003Z

One of the great pleasures of shopping for books (or anything else, for that matter) is walking in to a shop and finding you have a 50 per cent discount on a title you would have gladly paid full price for. And so the Cambridge Companion to Bob Dylan is now on my shelf, along with the 9 other books under 'D'. All on Dylan. One more will make ten, just in case any of you have been staying up at night wondering what to get me for Christmas...

I've got about 25 pages in; the excerpt below is from the Introduction:

...Dylan from an early age boasted the voice of a seemingly old man – seemingly the very voice, to steal a phrase from Greil Marcus, of “old, weird America.” In an era when pop (and even folk) stars were, as today, meant to sing like the nightingale, Dylan instead sang as the crow. But that croak, it seemed, contained a depth of feeling and passion and anger and joy and wisdom and disillusionment not hinted at by the songbirds; it came as a revelation. And it sounded like the voice of Truth...

The rest of the first half consists of essays, each taking on a different perspective Of Dylan's life and career, while the second half takes a closer look at some of his landmark albums. I am hoping it will shed some light on at least a few of the 800-odd Dylan songs I currently have on my iPod. I was going to post the link to a review I wrote of his 2006 album (and one of my personal favourites), Modern Times, but the article is no longer on the Amazon website. I’ll try and post a review of the most recent album, Together Through Life, soon.

Yes, I'm obsessed. I have no friends. Well, except Dylan.

One Night in October...

2009-10-30T00:36:00.005Z

...the clocks go back...

Check out the ridiculously infectious tune by the Tiny Comets.

Dear Mr Griffin

2009-10-23T19:52:00.004+01:00

On Question Time yesterday when a young Asian man, like myself, asked you where you would like him to go, you said you were happy for him to stay. I am certain that the young man would have slept much easier last night knowing that you, Mr Griffin, safeguarder and protector of British society, deemed him good enough to stay in your country. I doubt, however, that you would have had the same feelings about me.

You see, I, unlike that young man, was not born in this country. I came here to study, found a job, and yes, I'm still here three years later. Do I dare ask where you think I should go?

Nick, (do you mind if I call you Nick? Mr Griffin makes you sound like a serious politician) you appear to be a man with a tremendous memory (albeit selective) that stretches back to 700 A.D, when your ancestors obviously magically appeared from beneath the melting ice.

You might remember, then, that when these 'indigenous British' people you refer to first arrived in India not so long ago, they ended up staying for over 200 years. A lot happened in that time, but you would be hard pressed to find an Indian who does not acknowledge the contribution that the British made to my country. They, much like the Mughals, Portuguese, Dutch and French before them, came and went, leaving us with the rich and diverse culture that I am so proud of today.

History has shown us that in times of cultural and economic unrest, people sometimes actually acknowledge the presence of individuals such as yourself. There is no doubt that people are unhappy, not just in this country but around the world. There are several reasons for this. Your mistake lies in confusing that discontent with a mandate. Soon this time too will pass, and you will go back to being a political non-entity, a mere irritation, admired perhaps only for the extent of your own delusion.

To be honest, Nick, I almost felt sorry for you last night. A big, strong man like yourself, twitching and sweating like someone in an electric chair. I know you don't need my pity. Or my advice. But I'm going to give you some anyway. Read, Nick. Travel. Introspect. I would suggest a degree in History, but given that a degree in Law couldn't help you identify an illegal constitution, I doubt another one would do you much good. Still, you never really know, do you?

Regards,
Ajay Jacob (yes, there are Christians in India)

Question Time in 30 mins

2009-10-22T21:58:00.005+01:00

In just over 30 minutes, Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, will take his place for the first time on the panel of BBC's Question Time. The decision to invite him on the programme has attracted a huge amount of publicity and caused outrage among both the mainstream parties as well as the wider public. A good friend of mine is one of several hundred people making their protests heard outside the BBC's London studios at this very moment.

But even amongst those who despise this openly racist party, opinion seems to be divided- either deprive the BNP of the 'oxygen of publicity' or put them on a national stage and expose them for what they are. It is, to be honest, a tricky one. I'm not sure to which camp I belong. Not yet, anyway. Maybe in a couple of hours, depending on how the debate goes, I will have an opinion.

For the other panellists from the mainstream parties, it could be a challenge. Merely calling the BNP a ‘vile and despicable party’, is not going to cut it. They are going to have to tread a fine line between engaging with them on issues while distancing themselves from the party’s real agenda. If the Tories, Lib Dems and Labour can join forces and systematically pick them apart, the BNP will look stupid and out of their depth. If they overdo it, however, it will look like they’re flogging a dead horse. It is vital they achieve the right balance.

For Griffin himself, the advantages of appearing on the show are clear. A record audience will be tuning in and he will want to milk it for all it is worth. There is also no doubt that it will lend a certain legitimacy to a party whose constitution is still officially illegal. On the other hand, you've almost got to hand it to him. I would be surprised if every word he utters isn’t booed and hissed at, and in between all that he has to try and prove he is not a Nazi. Or prove that he is. Whatever the case, it should be an interesting show.

Mince Pies

2009-10-20T20:58:00.002+01:00

are the reason
I thought of you tonight.
soft shortcrust,
sugar-dust,
secrets inside.
And only around for a season.

Home Sweet Home

2009-10-20T20:50:00.003+01:00

fairy lights,
which once lent the stairwell
a festive air,
now hover over the edge
of the banister,
weighing up their options;
their luminescence
a kind of indifference.

chairs,
once high-backed and proud,
now lie scattered around
the floor like unfinished sentences;
stooped over
with the indignity of months
masquerading as
coat hangers,
doorstops,
resting places for moths.

curtains,
drawn tight,
to keep in the dark.

There’s nothing on the telly,
except me on the laptop,
which is a reflection
of the way things have been
these past few days, even
the clock has a sad face,
stuck at twenty-to-five.

the sink is full of wishes.

photos,
merely portals to the past,
where once there was laughter
like the tinkle of crystal
but now only silence,
broken every so often by the breaking
of a wave
off a distant shore
washing up another memory.

on the mantelpiece,
a starfish of keys.

!ndia in under 2 Minutes

2009-10-09T21:26:00.005+01:00

The latest Incredible !ndia video...If you're homesick, that makes two of us.

The RG Enigma

2009-10-08T20:53:00.019+01:00

It is, in many ways, already a striking story. Born into India's most famous political family, is barely 14 when his grandmother and India's first woman prime-minister is assassinated; at 20 his own father is killed by a suicide bomber; escapes to a life of anonymity first in America and then London where he works (under an assumed name); eventually returns home to help his widowed mother bring the Congress party back to power.

And yet, with Rahul Gandhi, you get the feeling the story is only just beginning.

Not long ago, with the Congress in turmoil and the right-wing BJP on the rise, Rahul was happy to be just a peripheral figure, popping up now and then for a party meeting or at a memorial for one of his relatives, while his older sister, Priyanka, was being touted as the natural heir to the dynasty. Today, he is at the very heart of a resurgent Congress and the BJP is on the brink of self-destruction. Even by Indian politics' famously unpredictable standards, it is a turnaround few would have foreseen.

The fact that Rahul Gandhi's rise has coincided with that of the Congress party is no accident; the party’s fortunes have always been inextricably linked with that of its first family. However, it is the evolution of Rahul the politician that has captured the imagination. Now, finally, he appears to have emerged from the multiple shadows he has grown up in. The second name- one that he spent most of his life trying to escape from- has been embraced. And, ever so slowly, little wheels of change are being put in motion. 62 years after his great-grandfather articulated India's original tryst with destiny, is he the one to renew it?

It is a curious situation Rahul finds himself in. He is well aware that the moment he wanted to lead the Congress party, the position would be offered to him on a plate. And yet, he seems perceptive enough to know that he is not ready, and has set about schooling himself. How tempting it must be to reach for it now, surround himself with a competent and loyal inner circle and enjoy the trappings of power. Even more tempting must be the prospect of being able to pull all the strings but have none of the burden of responsibility. Rahul Gandhi seems to have chosen a middle path. Blessed with a birthright but free from its shackles, he knows he can bring about radical change.

'Radical' is not a word one hears often in Indian politics, and certainly not in the positive sense. For a large majority of the disillusioned electorate, another Gandhi leading India's Grand Old Party simply means more of the same. But if early signs are anything to go by, Rahul will not be just another Gandhi. Since winning his seat to Parliament in 2004, he has stayed away from Delhi's corridors of power, choosing to pursue his own vision for rural India while leaving the PM and his cabinet to look after the business of running the country. The poor and the youth have been at the top of his agenda; and while it is easy to be cynical and suggest that this is merely vote-bank politics on a larger scale, it would be a failure to acknowledge the significance of what he has already achieved.

Along the way, he has used words that have had old-timers squirming in their high-backed chairs while reaching for their dictionaries. Words like inclusiveness, inner-party democracy and empowerment. He has also not hesitated to speak his mind, and gives credit where credit is due, even if that means praising an opposition party. He has overseen the rise of a new generation of young politicians who are now infiltrating the rank and file of the Congress. Nandan Nilekani, Chairman of the Unique Identification Authority of India, recently described India as 'the only young country in an ageing world’, a fact Rahul seems determined to extend into the country's politics as well. Elders, from within the Congress as well as the coalition parties, have muttered under their breath about youthful exuberance and inexperience, but Rahul himself seems unfazed.

It is also a measure of the man that in a culture that lives by the dictum of any publicity being good publicity, the young Gandhi's rise has taken place not in the tabloids, but in the dustbowl of the hinterland. Apart from the odd sensational headline- (Rahul Gandhi and David Miliband! Future Prime Ministers of their respective countries! Sleeping in a hut! On the floor!), his campaign has been a silent one, far removed from the haze of celebrity that seems to have enveloped New Delhi like early morning fog. While other star-sons stagger through the capital intoxicated by their own sense of entitlement, Rahul chooses to make unannounced trips to Dalit villages instead, often without his security entourage and a convoy of cars. His particular brand of grass-roots activism has endeared him to the masses.

When the spotlight is turned on him, however, he has seemed increasingly at ease. In interviews he comes across as gracious, polite, and softly articulate. The person he says he is closest to is his sister and he is known to be very possessive of his mother. Could this suave Harvard-educated, London-trained poster boy of emerging India really have his finger on the pulse of India's faceless millions? It is an intriguing question, and the answer may yet surprise us. Scepticism is ingrained in our DNA, and so is the tendency to dish out halos and elevate mortals to saint-like status. Perhaps we should take a cue from the man himself and choose a middle path. That path, for now, involves giving Rahul Gandhi the benefit of the doubt. Who knows where it might lead?

Wait it Out

2009-09-30T20:52:00.004+01:00

If you were anything like me and spent most of last night flicking through clips on ted.com after listening to Nandan Nilekani, you would probably have come across this video. If you didn't, well, here it is.

Just in case beginning afresh, afresh, afresh isn't your style- wait it out.

A Spring poem for Autumn

2009-09-30T20:45:00.003+01:00

The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too,
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
In fullgrown thickness every May.
Last year is dead, they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

-Philip Larkin, The Trees

India Poised: V1 and 2

2009-09-29T21:32:00.003+01:00

A couple of years ago, Indian cinema's grand patriarch Amitabh Bachchan appeared in a slickly produced television ad called 'India Poised'. There he was, in his perfect suit and his 'This is God speaking' voice, mouthing some soaring rhetoric that someone no doubt got paid a small fortune to come up with. The ad became an internet phenomenon, but ultimately, didn't amount to much.

A few months ago, Nandan Nilekani, Chairman of the not-very-catchy Unique Identification Authority of India (UIDAI) made a presentation at TEDtalks that revolves around the same theme- except this time backed up by facts and statistics. The fact that India was poised was never in doubt. Nilekani articulates exactly where. It is an honest and inspiring summary of India's place on the world stage and well worth a listen.

For those curious about the Amitabh Bachchan vid, (you know who you are) don't go away and search You Tube. It's right here. And you're welcome.

A Long Shot

2009-09-22T21:32:00.004+01:00

Somewhere in the bowels of Wembley stadium is a blue jumper.

It is the jumper that a special friend bought for me two Christmases ago.
It is the jumper I rolled into a ball to make a pillow, before I settled in for the night at Bristol Temple Meads station, one year ago.
It is the jumper I am pictured in, right, six months ago.
I will miss my blue jumper.
So send it on its way, if you must. But if you can, try not to wipe the floor with it.

Thanks.

Mumbai International Airport, 2 a.m.

2009-09-06T01:02:00.004+01:00

And so, a journey that began on a rainy morning in Mumbai comes to an end in the same city with another midnight downpour. I arrived on the first day of the Ganesh festival- the day on which clay statues of the beloved half-man, half-elephant diety are installed in homes and temples across the region- and here I am now, watching them being led in endless procession back to the sea where the smaller, less expensive versions dissolve almost immediately while the larger incarnations bob up and down, trunks and limbs flailing in the brackish water before eventually being reclaimed for another year. Ashes to ashes, tusk to tusk. In India, even ten days is like a lifetime.
I will miss home.

Cricket in the Sun: Sandford Park, 6:30 pm

2009-08-03T19:03:00.004+01:00

So what is it about the old game that makes it such a welcome break from the dull monotony of everyday life and covers everything in a warm glow? I'm not sure. Has the monotony itself become so dull so that a break of any sort seems welcome? Possibly. But I doubt any other sport would have the same effect cricket does. Not for me.

Maybe it's because for just the briefest of moments I feel as though I'm back in India; that larger-than-life country where everything revolves around this larger-than-life sport. Because it makes me feel like I'm getting in touch with my roots. Somehow maintaining the bloodline. Or, perhaps it's because it's one of the few remaining links to my childhood. And playing it somehow feels like I'm re-acquainting myself with the boy I was 15 years ago whose face I can barely recognise. Running up to the crease with the wind in his hair, without a care in the world.

There is, of course, a third possibility. That I am simply romanticising it because I'm no longer that good. And I am forced to attach significance to what would otherwise be a pointless childish pursuit.

Ah well. Time for tea, lads.

So...

2009-07-13T22:49:00.000+01:00

This might come as a surprise to those who know me well, but I'm going to admit it- all said and done, it's pretty awesome to be alive. I don't normally 'do' happy, and 'gloom and doom' is definitely my default setting. Today, however, as another year rolls around, I'm going to embrace the sun instead of cowering in the shadows it casts. We'll see how long it lasts.

Cold Steel Implements

2009-06-23T00:39:00.002+01:00

There I was, staring into the sink as the pale green coloured fluid flowed down the pipe, down and out through the yard into some unknown darkness and, next thing I knew I was in a bright hospital room with the light burning holes in the back of my head and a nurse staring down at me from a hole in the ceiling and something smelled strange and do you know where you are? what day of the week is it? tell me your full name please, and date of birth, can he talk, I’ll need this information please, yes I'm in hospital and how did you get here it's Thomas spelt t-h-o-m-a-s fourteenthjulynineteeneightyone are any of you Nextofkin? does he have family here? is there a number you can call? I was, um, driven here by my friend Pete, he stays next door, yes there is, it's in my phone, no, stored under J, is he going to be ok nurse, we're his friends, he was ok this evening, no he hasn't been drinking, said he had a headache, no he hasn't had dinner, he threw up before we…,that's right Mrs. Davis, third room on your left the doctor will be along in a minute, would you mind waiting? there's an ambulance call at 34, is there a driver? can someone get that please? i'm just going to take some blood from your finger ok, could you please extend your arm, there's a good boy, this is going to scratch just a bit now could you please...is he on any medication, any known allergies? John's my uncle, he's in London, yes i suppose you could call is he going to be ok? can't take it you know, just can't take it, why is she off the shift, there's five people waiting, there's a queue here, mrs. davis that is, on the right, under observation, the ECG is on its way, no he hasn't been drinking i need you to take these pills it will bring the pain down ok? can you sit up? that's it, in they go are you ok there, luv, more water? could you roll up your sleeve for me please, no the left arm that’s it all the way up, that’s lovely, we're just going to take your blood pressure, can you turn the light off please its hurting my eyes, no that's it just the one sleeve, it will take a while, no there's just the one doctor on duty, the twenty-fourth is the earliest he can see you, now make a fist please, slowly, there's a good boy, the water fountain is down the hall on your left; gloves, doctor? that's it open wide, what's your name, Andy? Andy? yes in a minute, and how old are you Andy? can you open your mouth for me please, that’s right, good lad, I want you to cough for me now ok? I'll go first, watch me, cough, can you do that for me please? excellent, now I want you to go there and lie down on that bed and I'll be there in a minute ok? that's great, are you..? it’s a bit low but there's really nothing to worry about, we're going to have to do a couple more tests and keep him under observation, have a lie-down how are you feeling there? Mummy’s right here sweetie, no you can’t have a sweetie right now, I’ll be right there ok, kiss. no, it's Thomas spelt t-h-o-m-a-s fourteenthjulynineteeneightyone, yes I do, no, no allergies, no I don't take pills for it, Gloves. Please. Nurse. could we get the ECG in here please? is that an octopus on the wall? why would they have an octopus on the wall of a children's ward? is that supposed to be friendly? no the elephant doesn't look too friendly either, and there's a bleedin’ tiger as well, what is this, Alice-in-Jungleland? can you take your top off please, we will need a bedpan in 5, someone get that please? just relax there, this isn't going to hurt, just normal procedure, deep breath for me please, can you do that, was there a pink patch anywhere on his face or body, we can't rule it out at this point, it’s an ECG, that's it flat on your back please could you put your arms down by your side please? yeah, National Hell Service more like, in other news tonight no its perfectly normal would you like some more water? Man U lost? But it's bloody Fulham for God's sake! Hail Mary Mother of, it bloody stinks in here yes i hear you Mrs. Davis I heard you the first time he will be along in a minute...can i what? does it hurt when i do that? can you take a deep breath for me please, just relax its going to be fine, close your eyes, i'm going to turn the lights back on and are you ok there in that sink you're not throwing up again are you? Thomas? Guys, i think we need to get him to the hospital...

Paradise

2009-06-16T23:35:00.004+01:00

Three crosses stood in the distance,
On that night of shame,
On one of them hung the man,
Nobody knew his name.

He hung there, quietly dying,
For he was just a common thief,
Cheap wine was lifted to his lips,
But it brought him no relief.

As the pain slowly left his body,
And the life slowly left his eyes,
He turned his head to look upon,
The Saviour in disguise.

"Master", he called out softly,
In one last despairing breath,
In that moment winning redemption,
As the Master conquered death.

"You have trusted", said the Master,
As the thief closed his eyes,
"I promise you will be with me,
Tonight in Paradise."

2009-06-14T11:14:00.006+01:00

It's been done before by the BBC but, in my opinion, none are as good as this one. The video was made as a promo for the finals of Wimbledon in 2008. Watch as arguably the two greatest players of the modern era read Rudyard Kipling's great poem before playing arguably the greatest tennis match in recent memory. It's practically oozing with greatness. Arguably.

It also presents a facinating insight into the two men- one, the polished, confident finished article. The other, the wide-eyed, rough-around-the-edges pretender. Enjoy.

This place

2009-06-14T11:09:00.004+01:00

This place
Is no longer good for me.
I'm turning into a shadow
of the man I used to be.
Indepedence is all well and good,
but freedom's never free.

This place
Is full of things I now despise.
Most of the faces around me,
I can barely recognise.
Familiar sights breed discontent,
when viewed through weary eyes.

This place
has now turned into that place.
Satisfaction was in hot pursuit,
But has since given up the chase.
Indifference comes in various guises,
but has a charming face.

This place
has made its final empty boast.
It's time to pack the suitcase,
and re-direct the post.
In case you ever need me,
I'll be somewhere down the coast.

Life's this game of inches...

2009-06-07T15:44:00.003+01:00

Scores highly on the cheese factor but this clip from Any Given Sunday is one of my favourite Al Pacino scenes. He's definitely cornered the market on the whole conflicted, battle-weary, cynical-and-still-so-cool thing. Oh, and the shouting. Does anyone else make shouting loudly look so good? Enjoy.

2009-06-01T13:12:00.001+01:00

Some people want to be understood,
I just want to be left alone.
Please make no demands of me
and I will make no demands of you,
my solitude is all I own.

The word that rhymes with breath

2009-05-27T18:24:00.003+01:00

One of these
Days the phone will ring.
I will pick up and say hello,
but the person on the other end won't.

Everything will go quiet,
and then that person will say my name
and ask if I’m sitting down.
I will impulsively say yes
while still standing,
trying to place the voice
as my feet turn to stone.

And then it will come,
one syllable, in a monotone,
followed by sorry or something,
but of course I wouldn't hear it,
because the word-
that word-
would still be throbbing
in my bones.

Suddenly,
maggots will start to crawl
out of cracks in the walls
and attach themselves
to almost everything I own.

That will be the last thing
I remember seeing.

And then,
after a few minutes
of silence,
there will be a sound
like the fluttering of wings,
and the walls,
the cracks in them,
the maggots from in between them
will all get sucked into the phone.

Half an eternity later, I
too will disappear,
and there will be nothing left
except darkness
and an engaged tone.

Poetry Matters

2009-05-24T17:54:00.002+01:00

Old slipper wearing pessimist
Had mentioned, when he wrote of Yeats:
'Poetry makes nothing happen...'And in the greater scheme of things
He's right... No poem ever stilled
The guns, prevented war, or stopped a fight.
But poems work as epitaphs;
Become the pillows for our dreams,
Gather us up when times are rough:
Provide a comfort, soothe our needs.
Poems can conjure life or death,
Daffodils or a thrush in spring;
Poems have room for all mankind -
From beauty to the kitchen sink;
Whether in free verse or in rhyme,
The good ones make you think.

-Patrick Osada

May

2009-04-26T12:25:00.002+01:00

In May I may find what I'm looking for.
Or at least find out what it is I'm meant to be
finding.

In May I may finally bite the bullet,
and take off on a run
just for the fun of it.

In May I may finally give in
to my better judgement,
and leave the broken pieces behind
for the wind to pick up.

In May I may get the call I've been waiting for.

In May I may be spontaneous,
and renew my old frienship with impulse.

In May I may stop kidding myself,
take off my rose-tinted glasses and squint
at the blindingly obvious.

In May I may wake in one city
and go to sleep in another.

All these things may happen in May.
But even if they don't,
at least it will soon be June.

Tomorrow

2008-06-08T23:27:00.002+01:00

Tomorrow all this will be forgotten.

In the morning your moaning will mean nothing
Your pregnant proclamations will be no more than a whisper, echoing
in the space between your feet and the sheets before finally
being driven out by sound of the alarm, unforgivingly sounding the death-
knell on your silent movie fantasy that you mistook
for the real thing.

Tomorrow all this will be forgotten.
And you will lie blinking in the sun with the night's shadows
slowly retreating up the wall and wonder
how just a few hours earlier you thought this moment would last
forever.

2008-03-04T16:10:00.013Z

Obamamania

2008-02-14T20:38:00.033Z

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." — Presidential candidate George W. Bush, Oct. 18, 2000

"We have been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope." — Presidential candidate Barack Obama, Jan 8, 2008

I don't know much about the Democratic party's ideology and whether or not Senator Obama, if elected, will be good or bad for India (most Indians seem to think he'll be bad). But he is easily the most compelling candidate, and personally I would like to see him win for just one (admittedly superficial) reason- the sheer quality of his speeches. Right from his keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in 2004, he's been delivering one killer after another; a recent one inspired this music video which had close to 4 million views at last count. If hits were votes, I'm guessing he'll win. There's also an excellent article in Vanity Fair that tells Obama's remarkable story.

Whatever happens in the next 6 months, one thing is certain- with lines like the one above, he's a refreshing change from the Current Occupant, whose brave attempts at profundity might have inspired the likes of Jay Leno and David Letterman, but not too many others. And there are no music videos of him either. I checked.

Meet Jeet Thayil

2008-02-11T12:31:00.002Z

I recently chanced upon one of Jeet Thayil's poems and subsequently managed to get a copy of his first collection titled English. It is a brilliant and lyrical set of poems, written in a refreshingly simple style. These are two of my personal favourites.

September 10, 2001

How much harder it is to speak
when I have spent the whole day silent.
I would like to stop someone,
leave my room in the evening
and stop someone, a man without hope,
or a woman bent double, as if she were
searching the sidewalk for gems
caught in the cracks, and I would tell her
that each of us walks with the same
impossible burden, knowing
that only the stars will last --
she will listen to me, hear what I say
and go on her way, bent over as before,
never looking up at the approaching sky.

How to Be a Leaf

Hold your breath until
you are God's green thoughts.
Stop eating,

air will suffice for food.
Water is another matter:
the skin absorbs moisture,

eyes adjust,
limbs grow inward.
Conjugate patience.

Worship women and trees.

Taare Zameen Par

2008-02-10T13:42:00.000Z

I have always been somewhat suspicious of Aamir Khan; he's struck me as being too suave and media-savvy, and somehow obssessed with his image as a 'serious' artist. There's no doubt that he is both intelligent and articulate, a rare combination in Bollywood. But the way he's put those to use as a public figure has often been perplexing. While shunning the Indian Filmfare awards (because he believed they didn't operate on merit) he openly courted the Oscar for Lagaan, spending considerable time and money on the publicity campaign. In 2006 he was all over the news for sympathising with the Narmada Bachao Andolan; his involvement in the politically-sensitive protest movement eventually turned his god-awful Fanaa into a hit. More recently, he is alleged to have turned down an offer from Madame Tussauds to have him immortalised in wax, saying "it's not important to me, so i'm not interested"- or something to that effect.

If there's one thing I admire him for, however, it is for his ability to take on serious issues and package it to a mainstream Indian audience. Films with a social message are all well and good, but any kind of difference can only be made by altering public opinion, and filling up the cinema hall is not a bad way to start. He did it with Rang De Basanti, a film in which he was not the lone 'hero', but which nevertheless revolved around him and rode on his 'star with a conscience' status. And now, with his first film as director, he's done it again with Taare Zameen Par. The performance of the child actor is nothing short of brilliant, but a film on a topic such as this would normally be doomed to a few special screenings on the NGO circuit and a condescending 'special' award or two. Instead, it's one of the biggest hits of the year.

And he's clearly passionate. Although part of an ensemble cast in Rang De, Aamir was its most visible spokesperson; he toured extensively with the film across college campuses even as students, at the height of the frenzy, were tearing up American visas and pledging new-found allegiance to a suddenly-cool India. Now with Taare, Aamir has been busy organising screenings for high-profile ministers and such-like, propelling him to near-saint status. Sure, the cynics will say it's all a gimmick and every once in a while we will have to listen to some self-righteous spiel about his own sense of importance, but if the film ends up creating even a miniscule amount of awareness of -and difference to- our treatment of children and the abysmal state of our educational system, it would be a small price to pay.

For Mum and Dad

2008-02-09T01:07:00.003Z

I write because of Aesop's fables and Panchantra and Ladybird books. Because of nursery rhymes and bed-time stories. Because of Chicken Little and Thomas the Tank Engine and Postman Pat (and his black-and-white-cat). Because of the subscriptions you took out to Tinkle and Champak and the small lending library down the hill -from where I got copies of the Hardy Boys Case Files with laminated covers which I took with me wherever I went, just to impress my friends. Because of all the Tintin and Asterix books that you bought me at exhorbitant prices. Because of Jemima Puddle-Duck and The Wind in the Willows and even the Archie comics that I would pester you for at all the railway stations when we travelled for the summer. Because of all the quiz books and yearbooks and rotating cardboard cut-outs that you brought back from different places, most of which lay in my room gathering dust. All this is why I write.

Every story is merely a re-collection, a re-telling, a re-creation. But in the end, it will always be just a long-winded substitute for two small words- Thank You.

Weekly Update

2008-02-08T00:52:00.004Z

Movies-I-can't-believe-I-haven't seen before-this-week: Fargo, Citizen Kane, Unforgiven.

Unforgiven, in particular, was surprisingly moving. I've never been a big fan of westerns; I'd always assumed (rather naively, I'm sure) that once you'd seen one, you'd seen them all. All guns, horses, and whiskey, that sorta thing. And the occasional train robbery. But Unforgiven, at its core, is a profoundly subtle movie. Sure, there's plenty of gore, but Clint Eastwood's performance is all about restraint, battling the demons within, rather than the baddies without. And some of the shots of him and Morgan Freeman riding through the not-so-wild west is sheer poetry. Who knew?

Song-on-constant-loop: Things have changed, Bob Dylan

Unexpectedly-transcendental-moment: Listening to Lucky Ali's O Sanam while smoking a shisha

I'm trying to make this somewhat of a regular feature (this weekly round-up thing, not the shisha). Not that every week is going to be terribly exciting, but still. And if it sounds too boring, I'll just make it up. I'm good at that sort of thing.

Mobile Mayhem

2008-02-08T00:30:00.001Z

If there's one thing worse than having a mobile phone that resolutely refuses to work, it's having to speak to Customer Care to try and fix it. Which is what I did yesterday. If for some inexplicable reason you have not had to go through this yourself, this is roughly how it goes:

*If you'd like to report a problem, press 1*
*If you'd like to speak to an Associate about a specific problem, press 2*
*If you've pressed 2 before listening to options 3 and 4, press 5*
*If you think that options 1 and 2 sound exactly the same, press 6*
*If you'd like to take a minute to break your own knees in frustration, press 7*

After all this, if by some miracle you do actually get to speak to a real person (real being a largely relative term), you will most likely spend the next fifteen minutes listening to the most sincere sounding bollocks that you start to have genuine fears for your own sanity. *If you'd like to place this call on hold and connect to our suicide hotline, press 8*

The future's shite. And nothing rhymes with Orange.

Ali G in Wales

2008-01-31T18:41:00.000Z

Wales isn't the most famous place in the world, so here's a very informative video for all those who'd like to know more. Who needs Lonely Planet when Ali G is in da house?

Shame he didn't 'do-a-knee' like this on India.

Spit Back Club

2008-01-30T21:38:00.001Z

Knowing I'd spent most of my life in Pune (for those who don't know where this, please refer to earlier post about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), a friend of mine recently forwarded me this link. Quite thoughtful of him, I thought. But I could offer up nothing in my defense, except point out that spitting in public places was not merely confined to Pune as the article suggested, but was a national phenomenon, which wasn't really much of a defense at all.

Funnily enough, it seems this spitting business has been in the news a lot lately; this morning I came across this piece- this time out of Delhi. According to the article:

"The last time the government looked into the matter was December 12, 2006, when it started the campaign 'Stop Spitting at Tourist Sites'. The Tourism Ministry has since put aside Rs 50 million for it to increase civic sense among the burgeoning urban population."

50 million?! Now i'm not sure about the legitimacy of this claim (for starters, in India we count money in crores, not millions), but this sure does sound like a heck of a lot of money. And if most of this money is going into lame campaigns like 'Stop Spitting at Tourist Sites (pretty please)' then I for one am not surprised that the results are 'far from tangible'. No, desperate times call for desperate measures, which is why something like the Spit Back Club would be far more effective. It may have been too radical before, but perhaps, post-Rang De Basanti, its time has come. Below is the rough un-edited draft of the charter. There might be a glimmer of hope yet. Sigh.

I have long been perplexed by the countless instances of careless spitting from buses, cars, and even people just walking past. It bothered me, this disgusting and despicable habit, this blatant disregard for others. I often wondered whether these same people would do this in their homes, or even in their yards. I think not. Their own homes were spotless, every last thing in place, a shrine for the Gods. And yet, the minute they were on the streets, they were spitting everywhere. The world was their spittoon.

I laughed at the feeble attempts to curb the problem. Images of gods were being placed in the corners of stairs in movie theatres, hospitals, and hotels. To me, that smacked of desperation. As if they didn't already have their hands full with people praying for Sachin to score a century, for rains, for one honest politician, the gods were now being called upon to stop people spitting in public. There they were. One in every corner. It frustrated me that men had given up trying to do something about it, and were now shamelessly relying on divine intervention.

It was out of this frustration that the idea of the Spit Back Club took shape. The Spit Back Club will be a movement with one and only one aim: to stop people spitting. We will do this in exactly the way the name suggests. We will Spit Back. Systematically, and without malice, we will spit back on anyone seen spitting in public. By riding up to rickshaws, reaching up to buses, stopping on the street, we will fight spit with spit. And by the sheer strength of numbers, we will prevail.

The Spit Back Club will not be a group of anarchist youth, staying just above the law, trying to be cool. Instead, we will be a group of serious individuals, activists even, committed to making a difference by educating people. By making people think twice. We will spit only when spit on. We will not advertise on TV, we will not distribute pamphlets; we will not take out spots on the radio. We will not be aligned to any political party, or subscribe to any political or religious ideology. We will operate solely by word of mouth. And with our mouths.

Without saying a word.

We will not stop until every person in this country either refrains from spitting, or joins the Club. And when this is achieved, we will disband. The spitting will stop, and the club that will only be known as SBC will cease to exist.

Let the spitting begin.

For You-Know-Who

2008-01-29T21:18:00.001Z

Go on, do what you've got to do. You've got your dreams I've got mine too. Be strong, get off at the next stop. Don't worry about a thing. Keep taking it easy. This time it's not personal. The universe will help you now. To find a place you can breathe. And do what you've got to do. Keep taking it easy. Keep taking it easy. Come on. I'll let you borrow my four leaf clover. Come on. Take it with you, you can pass it on. Come on. You know I'm not the kind to say that it's over. We'll be rubbing shoulders once again in the sun. Come on. Take your dreams, where nobody can find them. Come on. You know I won't be happy till you've won. So come on. Come on over, borrow my clover. Is there anything left that you haven't done? Go on, do what you've got to do. You've got your dreams I've got mine too. Be strong, get off at the next stop. Don't worry about a thing. Keep taking it easy.

Damon Gough, a.k.a Badly Drawn Boy, Four Leaf Clover

Lessons in Humility: Fabrice Santoro and Roger Federer

2008-01-28T01:28:00.000Z

A lot of the sporting action over the last few weeks has been taking place Down Under. The cricket may have grabbed the headlines what with the 'Monkeygate' scandal and other absurd antics, but the hard courts of Melbourne had their own share of stories. First up was Fabrice Santoro, who had this to say after being thrashed 6-1, 6-2, 6-0 by Federer:

"Everything looks easy to him, he has always time to play. He's never in a rush or anything. When he's coming to the net, there is no space to pass him."

And, soon after that, the clincher:
"I'd love to play him once again. Because it's so beautiful, what he's doing."

The lack of ego was what was so refreshing. Here was a 35-year-old man who'd just been given one of the most comprehensive beatings of his career and yet there was none of the "wasn't on my best form today" or "her squeaking shoes distracted me" (Daniela Hantuchova earnestly explaining why she had lost to Ana Ivanovic). No, this was just simple acknowledgment that he had been beaten fair and square by a player whose abilities he could never hope to match and that was that. Good night everybody and let's get on with our lives now, shall we?

Federer was equally gracious, both in victory and then, subsequently, in defeat. After scraping through in his match with Janko Tipsarevic, the defending champion had this to say:
"What a great battle. Fair play, he's a nice guy- pity somebody has to win, wish we could have draws sometimes."

And then, after losing to Serb wunderkid Djokovic:
"I've won, many, many times when I didn't expect myself to win. So tonight's one of those nights where you're a little bit disappointed."

And finally, just like Santoro, the clincher:
"I've created a monster, so I know I need to always win every tournament, but semis is still, you know, pretty good."

Ah, terrible burden, this genius thing.

Blast from the Past: Interview with Saurav Ganguly, India Captain

2008-01-24T15:37:00.000Z

The year is 2002. The Prince is still King of all he surveys and the dramatic fall from grace has not yet begun. With the 2003 World Cup in South Africa just a few months away, I managed to have a chat with the man affectionately known as Saurav Da. Below is the complete transcript.

AJ: Saurav, your thoughts on the match today.
SG: Yeah, it's been a good outing, i thought under the conditions the batsmen and bowlers did a good job, some of the youngsters showed a lot of promise, and we're happy with the way things are shaping up.

AJ: But you lost by 200 runs.
SG: Yeah, i mean you've got to take the positives out of each game, we're a young side, we've been a young side for about 10 years now, and consistently under-performing while still being adored and worshipped by a million fans is no mean feat. I mean, this is the kind of thing that Houdini would be proud of.

AJ: How’s it looking for the future?
SG: Well, like i said, some of the young boys are shaping up really well now, and as long as the seniors keep showing up and collecting their match fees and the endorsements keep coming in, things are looking good for Indian Cricket.

AJ: And the World Cup?
SG: Oh that, yeah...i mean, we look at each World Cup as practice for the next one, and from that perspective we're looking forward to 2007. it will be a good opportunity to blood some more youngsters who will then hit form by 2025. By then most of the seniors would have served their respective terms as Chairman of the BCCI and i will serve in the capacity of 'Technical Consultant to Left-handed Batsmen with Fundamental Weaknesses in Technique'. It shoud be a good challenge.

AJ: What were the reasons for today's poor performance?
SG: Like i said, i don't think it was a poor performance at all; we put up good fight under difficult conditions. The stadium facilities were inadequate, we were not provided practice pitches, the actual pitch was poor, our hotel rooms were inordinately small, and we were up against a team who've got some momentum going for them in the last few months. Given all that, i think the boys came up with a really good performance and i am proud of them.

AJ: But this was Mumbai and you were playing Kenya.
SG: That is irrelevant.

AJ: Earlier this season, you had a run-in with Glenn McGrath; can you tell us what happened?
SG: Well, it's very disappointing that things actually got to that point, Glenn is normally a professional but on that occasion he kept bowling short into the rib cage and would then laugh at me after each delivery. I mean, can you imagine that? it was very disconcerting and it was the main reason why i could not play my shots. It just got to a point where i couldn't take it anymore so i decided to take things into my own hands and stand up for myself, like a man.

AJ: So you complained to the umpire.
SG: Yes i did. I wish i didn't have to, but it's the only way to keep things like this from happening again. It brings the game into disrepute and it's just not cricket.

AJ: So just to get things straight: Taking your shirt off, swirling it around your head, and shouting the 'F' word over and over again like a retard, while standing atop the visitors gallery at Lord's is perfectly acceptable, but being amused as a fading, past-his-prime batsman tries in vain to hook one of the games' great fast bowlers is just not cricket?
SG: Precisely.

AJ: Thanks for talking to us.
SG: Always a pleasure.

A New Years' Lack of Resolution

2008-01-23T00:48:00.000Z

Twenty-two days into January and no posts. Truth be told, there have been no events worth posting about. And as February, the armpit of the year, approaches, the likelihood of such blog-worthy events taking place seems slimmer than ever. Still, if only to momentarily halt this blog's sad and inevitable decline into cyber-nothingness, post I will. Even if it's about nothing. Because when you lay the little fragments of nothing end to end, it just might add up to something.

So, if this is to be a death song, so be it. If this blog is to serve no other purpose other than to be a mere epitaph, an elegy, a requiem for so many unfulfilled dreams, then so be it. It's the moments that matter, in the end. So long.

2007-12-25T15:30:00.000Z

Silence runs in my family.

Silence,
like the kind my grandfather possessed,
always drowned out
everything else,
bouncing off the carpets
and seeping
through the walls,
the silence.

There in his chair
I still see him
sometimes,
watching his offspring,
little replicas of him,
scattered all over the floor
like from a Matryoshka.
Words would not come,
they had gone long ago, taken
in one fell stroke.

Still, he would watch
as they played
out scenes from his youth,
smiling all the while.
yet seeing nothing
but transience.

Silence,
of the kind that roared
in my ears like the sea,
like a million unsaid words,
while I lay sprawled
on the road,
beside my father
his white robe stained
with dirt.
My fake sheep-skin cap
offered little protection
against fear,
but I felt no pain.

“Son, are you hurt?”
was what I heard
from behind the visor
of his shiny red helmet,
the echo
both deep and hollow
at the same time,
rendering the voice
unrecognisable.

What I didn't see was
the face,
folding into grimace, as rock
pierced skin
and connected with bone,
forming a hole that we would watch
spout blood for weeks
to follow.

“Son, are you hurt?”
was all my father asked
from behind his red helmet
to the lamb
in sheepskin,
while all the while he bled
in silence.

2007-08-08T16:21:00.000+01:00

It was a strange feeling, being a guest inside my own house. Visiting for a few days and then returning. 'Feel at home', they said jokingly- but I'm not sure I did.

Sure, it was beautiful- a little slice of heaven, set in the woods, with a brook and large screen tv. My new permanent address.
Except there was nothing permanent about it.

While my sisters pretended to sleep, I sat out in the back and sipped orange coke. Soon it would be time to hit the road again.

Those who travel are always guests. And everywhere is home.

A Fresh Start

2007-04-30T20:20:00.000+01:00

Last night's promises
lie in splinters near the door;
Each one glinting
in the morning sun.
Step quietly over them,
And start afresh.

Last night's kisses
have attached themselves to the wall
in single file;
Each one folding
into an upturned smile.
Step slowly around them,
And start afresh.

Last night's dreams
lie strewn across the floor;
Each one like old clothing
devoid of meaning.
Step gently through them,
And start afresh.

Last night's emptiness
filled you up,
Despair dripped from out of a paper cup
and formed pools of loathing
that gathered by your bed.
Step softly beside them,
And start afresh.

Outside the window
a new day awaits-
like virgin snow.

Step lightly into it,
And start afresh.

Singleton Park

2007-04-26T23:53:00.000+01:00

I cross from the light into the dark
to this place where I come to drown
out the sounds, alone in Singleton Park.

Outside, the evening rituals of the town
take place without a thought
for those who wander on their own.

I was a child when I first brought
myself here and stopped to nuzzle
the moon and all ambition came to naught.

Returning since then like a dog on a muzzle
to watch countless mysteries unfold
and search for pieces of the puzzle.

Words, like memories, mean nothing I am told
But here the silence is something to behold.

2007-04-17T15:08:00.000+01:00

LADYBIRD

A thought arrives like a ladybird,
From out of nowhere, without a word
Softly landing on an unfurled palm,
Crawling up an outstretched arm
The slightest movement will scare it away-
Instead, let it stay and watch it play.
When tiny feet brush against collar bone,
Do not claim it as your own.
Just sit still and marvel at the way
It chose to spend part of its day.
And whether it stays or leaves matters not much
If you are subtly changed for having felt its touch.

2007-04-15T14:21:00.000+01:00

SPRING / spriη / noun, verb

The season between winter and summer
As in, ‘The spring flowers are in bloom.’

A thing for which you would ring a plumber
Not as in, ‘Hello, yes, could you spring a leak in my room?’

Someone who is full of annoyingly good cheer
As in, ‘She’s always got a spring in her step.’

To suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, appear
(Used for dramatic/poetic effect)
As in, ‘Oh, the tears would spring to her eyes as he slept.’

A place where water is bottled and sold
(The mountain spring)
As in, ‘Full of vitamins, Sir, and even cures a cold.’

Something you weren’t expecting to be told
As in, ‘I’m sorry to spring this on you, but this just isn’t real gold.’

A quick sudden jump, upwards or straight ahead
As in, ‘With a spring, the cat got the cream.’

To free a prisoner, before he’s actually dead
(He’s going to spring me, he said.)
Not as in, ‘No Sir, you’re in for life, you’ve just had a bad dream.’

Spring clean / Spring for beer / Spring green / Spring is here.

Chocolate Santa

2007-04-03T17:43:00.000+01:00

For nearly a month now you've stood
silently overlooking
my desk,
with a crinkled smile
that never left your face.

You watched as I unearthed
stories of birth
and death,
slaved over
endless drafts of haibun and englyn,
and when they were done you seemed to nod
in mute appreciation,
giving me the non-critical approval
that I so craved.

For three months you stood on the shelf in Tesco
somehow surviving
the Christmas frenzy.

And then enduring the shame
of being marked down
ten per cent each week,
until the final humiliation:
‘Clearance!’ it said, in big dismissive letters
when they had no more use for you.

That's where I found you.
Or did you find me?

Did you think you would still be here,
past the New Year
approaching Easter,
long after the trees came down,
and the fairly lights were packed away,
finding a new life
as a reluctant muse?

A strange turn of fate it was
that brought us together.

You, chocolate santa; and me,
with nothing in common,
save an expiry date.

2007-03-31T06:58:00.000+01:00

In faded black and white photos we first saw you, a little boy in shorts and curls, blissfully unaware of your own genius.

And then eighteen years ago, older but with the same unruly mop, looking like a slightly skinnier Maradona, you walked onto the ground and into our imagination and we embraced you as one.

We winced when you were hit on the head in that first match against Pakistan, our hearts soared higher with each six in Sharjah, we wept with you at the World Cup when you raised your bat to the memory of your late father.

We put up posters of you on our walls; we built shrines in your name. We prayed in turn for your shoulder, elbow, and back.

And above all, we watched.

We watched as a boy became a man and a man became a legend. We watched like it was a dream that we hoped would never end. But of course we knew it would have to, eventually.

And last week it did, as we watched you walk away while a group of Bangladeshi players danced in your wake. They were just boys, those players who danced. Like you were, eighteen years ago.

You began on zero and ended on zero. What happened in between changed our lives and made us believe we could be so much greater than ourselves. But it’s time to let it go.

Those old pictures of you with a bat in your hand and a smile on your face seem like a distant memory for us, as they must do for you.

The posters have come off the walls now, and in time the shrines will have new resident deities. But before that, perhaps one last prayer will be offered up:

Walk on, Sachin. Walk On.

Team India

2007-03-27T14:48:00.000+01:00

Even before it has properly begun, Team India finds itself out of the World Cup. Predictably, stones have been thrown, posters have been burnt and some of us have sworn never to watch again. But once the tournament is over and our feelings of anger and frustration have blown over, life will soon return to normal.

The Indian Cricket Fan is not one to lose hope so easily. So ok are we with losing, and yet so desperate for something to be proud about, that we will once again sit glued to our television sets the next time the team takes the field, be it against Bermuda or Bosnia.

For some unfathomable reason, for a majority of us Indians (myself included) it is eleven men in blue who truly represent us, who carry our collective hopes and dreams on their shoulders, who define us, even. And so we watch; game after game, expecting everything and nothing at the same time. What to do, we are like this only.

Too many articles by far more knowledgeable people have been written for me to even attempt another one. You can read one of these about the fascinating ‘Desi Fan’ here.

PS: A class of fifth graders were discussing their father’s jobs. Each one took turns to say ‘Doctor’, ‘Engineer’, and so on until finally it was Vivek’s turn. ‘My father works in a gay club’, said the little boy. ‘He takes his clothes off in front of strangers and dances for money.’ Shocked but slightly curious, the teacher took him aside and asked if this was true. ‘No Miss’, went Vivek, ‘he plays for the Indian cricket team but I was too embarrassed to say that.’

Goodbye Uncle George

2007-03-25T16:26:00.000+01:00

When I first met Uncle George in Belfast about five years ago, I could not have known then what an important part of my life he would become.

That evening, having heard of my fear of flying from my parents, he took me aside and proceeded to explain how a few simple relaxation techniques would no doubt cure my completely. Although initially sceptical, I decided to go along with it. There was something about his gentle voice and calm demeanour that appealed to me and put me instantly at ease. But what struck me the most was his confidence, his almost child-like conviction that I would overcome my phobia, and fly without fear.

One week later I flew to London and Uncle was overjoyed to hear that I had had a good flight. A couple of months later I flew back to Belfast and he was at the airport, running through the crowded terminal and hugging me as I arrived. It was a moment I will never forget.

Since then, there have been good flights and bad flights, but it was Uncle George’s voice that has always been in the background, pushing and prodding me on. At Chicago airport two years ago, he spoke, prayed, and even sang into the phone as I prepared for take-off. When I finally landed at Mumbai twenty hours later, I wept not because of my air-sickness but because I felt I had let him down.

But Uncle George never gave up hope. Finally last year as I prepared to come to London, he decided it was time to settle the issue once and for all. He went on to call me every night for three weeks, and on the final night before my flight he prayed and after a few moments of silence said “I will wait to see you here, mone”

The flight the next day was the best one of my life.

Perhaps it was the thought of Uncle waiting at the airport, like he did five years ago, when he hugged me and made me believe that everything was possible once more. Perhaps. And even now though he is gone, for me he will always be waiting at the end of every flight, waiting with a wide smile on his face.

Ever since I met him, I was always unsure about whether to call him Doctor George or Uncle George; to me he was always both, providing me with the advice of a physician and the affection of a family member.

While trying to make me relax, he would often ask me to go to my ‘happy place’ and then ask me to describe it to him. It was all a bit amusing back then, but at this time of deep sorrow perhaps we can draw some comfort in the knowledge that he is now in his happy place, united at last with the one whom he loved and served so well.

Thank You Uncle.

2007-03-19T17:02:00.000Z

It's been an eventful Cricket World Cup so far.
India loses to a bunch of Bangladeshi teenagers, Pakistan get thrashed by an Irish pub side.
And the 58-year-old coach of the Pakistani team is found dead in his hotel room.

A few of the big teams may soon be on early flights home but surely the first to leave was Perspective.

2007-03-16T21:40:00.000Z

An Indian passenger named Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at Jeddah airport. At immigration he waited for nearly two hours for the authorities to call him. Finally running out of patience, the man confronted the officer and demanded to know why they hadn't called his name.

The officer replied that they had been calling him for the last hour and a half and were wondering why he hadn't responded. All was clear when a voice announced his name again over the microphone: 'Anotherman Superman' to counter number five please.

2007-03-16T02:29:00.000Z

........and we're back!

After a couple of months of being frustratingly locked out of Blogger (apparantly something to do with the New and Improved version: Is it New or is it Improved?) I am finally back to regular posting (of course, here that means once every two weeks but I'm working on that) The promised Ad Absurdum Make-Over is underway, and even though I am tempted to stick with the name, if someone suggests a better one I might just change it. A couple of suggestions did arrive for which I am grateful but I must politely decline, at least for now.

And so moving on...The story goes that Julius Caesar was warned by a seer to be wary of some great peril on the 15th day of March which the Romans called the Ides. When the day had come Caesar happened to meet the seer on his way to the Senate and greeted him with a sneer (sneered at the seer, you might say) and said: "Well, the Ides of March are come," to which the seer replied softly: "Ay, they are come, but they are not gone." Minutes later Caesar was dead, killed by his own senators.

So now that the Ides Of March are behind us, it is time to march on. And with bright sunshine streaming through my window, a month-long Easter vacation approaching and a Cricket World Cup in progress, what possible cause could there be for complaint?

So, friends,(and Romans and countrymen) onwards and upwards!

Ladies and Gentlemen

2007-03-11T17:29:00.000Z

Eight months ago a little blog arrived kicking and screaming into the world. For the first two months it was cute and cuddly, it cooed in its sleep and smelt nice. Every time it got a little restless I’d feed it a couple of words and it would go back to bed, content in its own little way. However, the blog has, as it should I suppose, grown up. Now it stays up half the night and throws its food around on the floor. It screams from time to time. And it is teething. I realised with some dismay that a couple of words now and then were no longer enough; it had turned into a hungry little monster and was demanding to be fed. I panicked, like any reluctant parent would, when the thing they have created takes on a life of its own.

But what's done is done. I cannot ask it to go back to where it came from, that would be stupid. I considered putting it up for adoption, but that would be inhumane. For better or worse, this blog is mine; it is a part of me. For all its faults I know it is merely trying to make something of itself. Often with little ones it can get so exasperating that you wish they would die, but when you see them later, asleep alone in their beds looking like little angels you feel more love than you thought you were capable of feeling. And you hate yourself for having felt the way you did. Of course, I cannot know for sure if this is true with real children but I imagine so.

And so, my little blog will from now on be showered with a little more affection. I intend to buy it some new clothes and a rocking horse. I may even change its name. Ad Absurdum sounded cute in a pretentious sort of way when it was smaller, but now I fear that other blogs with cleverer names will pick on it. (Ideas for names will be welcome.) I will occasionally take it for walks and we might take pictures. I will attempt to pass on my meagre knowledge about the way things are. I will talk to it about music, movies and sports and will tell it some good jokes when I think of them. I will introduce it to other little blogs and big sites that we happen to meet along the way. And most of all I will watch it grow because we can never really know how they will turn out, can we? I suspect it will make me proud some day but even if it doesn't I will love it all the same.

To those who have been its friends over the past few months, thank you. Thanks especially to my cousin Rachel for being its bestest friend. And as for you, if you by chance see it on the street, please smile and wave if you can. It’s a bit shy, my little blog, and not very good with real people, but it's not its fault. I am told it's a spitting image of me.

That is all for now. It’s time for its nap.

Woof!

2007-02-06T11:25:00.000Z

All I heard were shuffling feet,
As I stood beside the bar,
I was sliding into an empty seat,
When I spied her from afar:
My eyes were rooted to the floor,
As she bought her rum and coke;
She was close enough to know the score,
But I waited till she spoke.
'This seat taken?' she softly posed,
With lips of reddest red,
Down she sat but then arose,
To pat me on the head:
And now you’re going ‘Shut it please, wouldja?’
Bet you didn’t guess ’twas a dog though, didja?

Going Home

2007-02-03T18:53:00.000Z

This was written by one of my classmates. I thought it was beautiful.

Homesickness has little to do with home and everything to do with love.
When I am not happily in love I long for home where love waits hanging
on tree branches outside the house, and seeped into furniture fabric and the fuzz and fur of old blankets and missed pets. Sitting silently in memory and invisible to eyes that behold it in person, the home love is ideal.
It does not hurt or ask questions and it is forever steadfast; held eternally, and holding you back, in the mind’s eye. That’s why it’s so easy to leave it for the tangible brand of love, the kind you can touch without a twinge of sadness,
because you’re not sick for the old love
and the new love won’t make you sick, yet.